How a horse named Destiny helped me stop second-guessing myself

Justin Perkins in Evergreen, Colorado during an Equine Coaching workshop - a different kind of “date with Destiny…'“

I met a horse named Destiny who changed my life.

(I never imagined I'd ever write a sentence like that).

Apparently, horses can sense a mountain lion approaching from a long distance.

I'd heard of horses being highly intuitive creatures and the chance to experience the power of their intuition firsthand was profoundly moving.

Karen Davis and Kami Guildner, both wise women, executive coaches, and forces of nature guided an outstanding group equine coaching program to demonstrate how we show up in “the herd.”

They walked us through several exercises with three wonderful horses and showed us how we are being, projecting, and connected or disconnected from our bodies. This in turn shows up as a nonverbal signal that we, and horses, can sense.

What really stood out to me was that every time someone in our group expressed confusion, insecurity, or distraction from being present, the horses immediately reflected that kind of energy in their behavior. It seemed to be indifference or you might even say repulsion.

By contrast, when someone relaxed, or opened up emotionally, or expressed a loving connection, or had a shift in perspective, the horses would shift what they were doing in response to the shift in our energy.

Sometimes they moved positions, shifted their weight, or even sauntered over to you to make physical contact. At one point I even got a really sweet nuzzle and slobbery kiss from Destiny. Sometimes they blew out and sighed while vibrating their lips as they released stress. We witnessed with awe how sensitive the horses are to our energy.

The horses also showed us how often disconnected from our own sensitivity we tend to be. We’re missing so much potential for connection by tuning out our ability to sense what’s going on with others. That's the blessing and curse of our incredible minds. In contrast to humans, horses are just present. They don’t have all the conceptual storytelling in their heads that humans experience. There is no non-stop thinking and interpreting the world–just sensing.

This really hit home when I was alone with Destiny - the leader of the herd. The coaches invited me to stand in a pen with Destiny and set an intention about something I'd like to shift. I initially didn’t know what to do and stood there in a flood of confused thinking while leaning against her with my arms over her back. I got quiet and let my mind settle, and then a clear desire came to the surface of my mind to stop second-guessing myself.

As soon as I got clear about that intention, and really felt it, Destiny leaned into me.

"She's supporting you," one of the guides interpreted. "Get in there with her." And I put my head next to her heart and it felt wonderful and peaceful to connect with this majestic creature.

Then they coached me to walk around the pen, embodying a sense of confidence. I walked around in a circle a couple of times, my back straightening, arms open, and strides lengthening as I got into it and got a feel for “owning” the space. I conjured a nice feeling of relaxation and confidence in my mind and body. It felt great–like coming back to home base and a sense of being really grounded.

Then, this happened. Watch the 20-second video. It’s magic.

As you can see from the video, Destiny - the leader of the herd - started to follow me around the pen. However, as soon as I would "second guess" and look over my shoulder to see if this was really happening, Destiny would stop.

As I was reflecting on the experience with the coaches, it hit me as I flashed back through dozens of situations where I felt overlooked or rejected.

I didn't realize that I had been sending mixed signals at times. I am generally confident in most situations, but this was a subtle blind spot and area of confusion that was a mystery to me for years. Maybe even back to the kickball field in primary school. Why wasn’t I getting picked?

I can't believe how much this invisible factor had affected the way I was showing up with other people.

Mystery solved.

This understanding has really helped me to calibrate a connection with my feeling of security and drop insecure thinking as soon as I start to feel the illusion of insecurity bubbling up.

My awareness of how I'm being, and the real-time connection to the quality of my thinking, shifted profoundly in that beautiful day with the horses. This was visceral and made a lot of the conceptual understanding about how thought creates our worlds very tangible.

And as a result, my self-perception, self-talk, posture towards life, and overall world perspective have changed. This presents as basically less thinking about self, and more engagement with others or the situation. I can also walk down the street and notice in a split second how present and confident someone else is as well.

This is also profoundly helpful in my coaching practice and helping my executive clients see how they’re leading. Most people are unconsciously sending mixed signals, and unintentionally repelling people, or creating a sense of confusion, and as a result, sewing seeds of insecurity in their organizations, or when selling or raising capital. Most people are tortured by nonstop negative thinking of some form, and as a result, creating a negative force field around themselves-all the while thinking no one notices.

My ability to lead and create, as a result of this insight, has really improved, and now I more easily catch the feeling of second-guessing myself, or really self-consciousness or focus on self, and drop it. I can see there is never a need to hesitate. Hesitation comes from an unconscious habit to hide and avoid rejection. It’s actually a really simple shift once you’re aware of the difference in feeling.

We are literally feeling the quality of our thinking each moment. Seeing this mirrored back by the horses was one of the most powerful experiences in my life.

But you don’t need horses to get this or shift this. We all have the same ability to sense and be present if you pay attention. Just tune into what it feels like to be confident and then bring that into what you want to create. Confidence is your natural state.

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